I have 6 children. Yes, that's not a typo.
I wanted to preface this writing with my credentials. Having had six children- and a great portion of the time being a single mother, I had a long row to hoe.
My oldest child, my daughter Wendy, is now 30. My sons range from 28 down to 13.
That's like having a doctorate in birth and child rearing. So, now that you have my credentials- I will go on.
A few weeks ago a friend of mine who works for me in my office told me she was pregnant. She's single, in her late 30's and delighted to be pregnant at last.
I sat her down and had a serious conversation with her- one that I wish every mother would have with her daughter before she gets pregnant.
She was sleepy and sick and had been throwing up and having the runs for a few weeks.
She called out sick from work and went to the hospital.
There, they did a pregnancy test and gave her the news.
But I could have told her the news without a blood test.
"I don't know why I am so sick." She said.
"Your pregnant and your drinking soda and eating McDonalds." I told her point blank. "The baby doesn't like it and your body won't tolerate it"
"I like McDonalds and Pepsi." she said looking disappointed.
"What you like, is over- You are no longer in charge of your body - sorry- butt hat's the way it is.
The baby and your body are officially in the drivers seat. If the baby wants watermelon at 3:00am - you will be out looking for the all night Korean Fruit Market - and you won't stop till you find that watermelon. I know - because baby number 2, my son David- he wanted watermelon. And that's what I searched for."
She said "I'm doing great though- I'm going to have the baby and then come back to work a few weeks later."
"Really?" I replied. "You can't predict the future- but once that baby appears and you fall in love- you may want to spend some time with her. You may not want to come back to work right away - or ever."
She looked at me shocked.
" I love my job - I'll come right back to work."
I shook my head. We don't know what we don't know - until we know it.
"Something happens to a woman when she has a baby-- it changes everything. And not just your body- not just your hormones, not just your living situation, not just your diet, not just your relationships, EVERYTHING." I said. "Take lot's of long hot baths, and sleep as much as you can - because once the baby is born - no more baths, no more sleep and you will find that you are a different person - but that will only last for 3 or 4 years." I said assuringly.
She looked at me in disbelief.
After you have this baby - who will watch her when you have to pee?"
"I never thought about that." She said.
"Who will watch her when you want to take a bath? What will you do if she doesn't want to sleep and you are exhausted?"
She looked dejected.
"But regardless of the changes-- it's still one of life's greatest adventures. You never love like you love when you fall in love with your first child. Period. And you never know yourself as well as you do when you see your child acting out your most obnoxious behavior- that you don't want to admit that you have - butt here they are bright shinning little mirrors reflecting back to you everything you don't want to see about your self. They are our greatest teachers. If we are open to learning form them.
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree-- it's true. I know personally. My children are all amazing. They have my best and my worst qualities. And I've learned more from them than from any college or personal growth course. They are experts at being real and putting it right in my face!
But before you even get to THOSE lessons- you will spend 9 months transforming into an alien shape, and then many hours in labour working at bringing your baby into this world.
Your boobs will grow huge and ache. Sometimes they will start to leak milk and soak your clothes. The soft cartilage in your back will soften and spread your hips wider. You will begin to walk splay legged like a duck. Your womb will practice contracting and you will wonder what all these weird feelings are. If you sleep on your stomach- forget it- If you sleep on your back - forget it. The old days of falling into bed and sleeping are over. Going to bed becomes a complicated routine of trying to find a way to some how get comfortable, against the odds. There will be extra pillows for between your knees, and any kind of contraption you can find or buy to help make you more comfortable. And by the time you get settled in and still - the baby will start swimming, leaping and kicking. Babies like movement - when you are moving and walking - you are lulling them to sleep. When you lay down to rest -- they get up. That's just the way it is. You will not be able to put on your own shoes, if they even fit you any more- because your feet will grow much larger and you will not be able to reach them -- or even see them. So pack all your pretty little high heels away ( with your cute little clothes and tight blue jeans ) . Get your self some big comfy slip ons.
So there you have the basics-
1- you will think you are a different person
2- your hormones will run your life- like a roller coaster of up and downs.
3- your house will be dirty and messy for the next 20 years
4- your clothes ( now larger ) will be stained with spit up and poop
5- you will rarely have enough sleep
6- people that knew you when you were pre-baby will think you've lost your mind
7- you will say the things that your parents said that you SWORE you would never say- like "Wait till you have a child of your own THEN you'll understand.
8- you will constantly think about this other person - how are they doing- is there anything they need-are they doing the "right" thing- even when they are older and out of your site-
9- you will keep your cell phone on and charged ALL of the time- just in case.
10- they will be your first thought in the morning and your last thought at night
11- you will save every scrap of paper they draw on and every ugly clay pot they make you as if they are priceless treasures ( and they are ).
And even thoughts may sound foreboding and terrifying -- it will be one of the very best events of your life.
Welcome to parenthood.
Sunday, January 24, 2016
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